Whatever I touch breaks, dissolves, rots. Whatever path I choose is a one of uncertainty. I look at the people around me, their lives seem solid, planned, organised. And when I look at my life, it's a mess.
This week has been a horrible one for me. As a matter of fact, this year has been really shitty. Everything is a struggle. Everything. From the small to the big, nothing has come easy. But then again, it never has for me. For some, life is an easy succession of events. They get most of what they want with ease, while I struggle and fight; kick and claw - only ending up at the finish line with a slight glimmer of what I wanted.
A wish fulfilled is definitely a wonderful experience but a wish half fulfilled is a dark one. You think you're that much closer to what you want but it is forever dangling in front of your eyes, with your hands tied at your back. You think there are ways around it but in reality there really isn't.
One thing after another, at the end of the day I find myself crying and begging to a higher power for something, anything to go my way. Silence is my answer. The next day I get up and it's the same story all over again.
I feel like everything is falling apart, including me. My mind is racing from one thought to another but I can't find a resolution. I keep thinking, what should I do? But as I lay me down to sleep, darkness washes over me.
A restless respite to the neverending problems in my life.
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