Rock bottom

And so I've hit rock bottom. The lows of all lows. When I look up, I see an opening but somehow I can't seem to figure out how to get there - no ladder, no rope, no stairs. I sit in the darkness and ponder, how do I get out?

I hear a voice continuously telling me to try to find a way out but somehow I've gotten accustomed to the dark. When I look up at the light, my eyes sting and I scurry to engulf them in darkness again.

The voice reminds me of others who are in worser conditions and situations but as I sit all alone at the bottom, how am I to see others problems in perspective when I can't seem to get past my own demons.

And after some time, loneliness and suffering at the whim of my downward spiral is the only existence I know - somehow, it has molded into me.

Even when a rope is extended into the abyss, I do not see it. The voice I had heard before - spoken in a tone of concern and tenderness - has taken on a sharp edge, a stern and cold tone.

The role of a victim is so much easier. It is so much easier to cry out, "I've fallen and I can't get up" then brush off the pain, get up and try once more, even if it is for the millionth time.

And so here I am, willingly wallowing in the dark, crying out for someone to understand and just listen.

I do not want to be judged, I do not want to lectured, I do not want to be pitited and mostly, I do not want to be left alone. I just want to be heard.